I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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