whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
