he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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