Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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