You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
