Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
