i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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