I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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