You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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