Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
