so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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