Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
