how can u be prego again
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
