Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I love you. Go after that dick
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
