Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
