I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
