just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
