She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
