tell your sister to shave her snatch
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
