So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
