So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
