i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
