OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
