I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
