Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

will power is for people who don't want to get laid

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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(773): View more from Illinois

arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night

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(406): View more from Montana

He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.

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(713): View more from Texas

Did he pick you up in a mini van?

(281): View more from Texas

Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy

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