Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
