It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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