I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
