I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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