After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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