I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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