the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
