I'm really into asian looking animals
Don't make out with my wife yet
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
