i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Two words: blizzard sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
