The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
