I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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