My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
