Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
