Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
