Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
