I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
