apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
