My room smells like vodka and shame
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
