I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
4 words: hood of his car
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
