I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
