We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
