between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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