i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
