Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
