Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
