I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
try to milk me bitch
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