Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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